Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We left an ass print on the piano.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
