you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
