I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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