i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
