There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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