angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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