soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
