I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
