its not stalking. its research.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
