God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
