He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
