I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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