you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
