It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
