so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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