I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
