i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
