Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
