Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
