I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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