Someone shit on the floor
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
