Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
