she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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