Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
