i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
