Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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