some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
