i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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