obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
