you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
