Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
