Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
