Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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