we made out on top of his cat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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