She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
