Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
