If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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