Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
