I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
