it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
