You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
