New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
