1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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