hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
