i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize