I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
