Yo dont text me then not text me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
