I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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