A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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