2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
