u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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