I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
