And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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