literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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