He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
