she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
