i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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