maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
