My liver just broke up with me...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
