Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
