You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
