Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize