That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
