If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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