he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
