Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
