this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
