the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
