Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
