he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
