So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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